Chapter 48: Kiss

Even tortured heart still ached faintly—Jiang Ya’s eyes fixed on embracing pair—sorrow—stubbornness—trace unwilling.
Unwilling what.
She pushed Qi Yu away herself.
Pushed Qi Yu toward others—this ending—what surprise.
Jiang Ya—you’re ridiculous.
Pain deepened with heavy heartbeat—peak—body adapted—numb calm—even silent sob stilled—like crawling from drowning edge.
After disaster—deep breath—chest shook uncontrollable—each breath hard.
……
Two gradually parted—still standing. Distance—could not hear—only saw reluctant farewell.
Dazed at Qi Yu’s blurred profile. No streetlight—only hazy moon—features unclear—Jiang Ya stubborn on her face—imagined soft smile—overflowing tenderness—heart-stirring.
Once Qi Yu looked at her that way.
Once—only once.
Jiang Ya lowered eyes—no wiping tears—no move—just stood.
Under tree—dark wrapped lone shadow—wind passed quiet—melancholy into night.
Calmed—turned left silent. Where she stood—leaves fell—as if never there.
Coward. Afraid.
Wet face too messy—afraid seen.
More afraid Qi Yu saw—even if Qi Yu did not care now.
She cared.
Admitted—she failed.
Could not walk up casual—greet calm—watch their reluctant parting.
Human too—not iron wall—maybe crumbled already.
Now bare—no cover.
Left complex—walked street aimless.
Did not know why walk—where—only could not go back—could not return.
If self-deceit helped—she could try.
Walked long—stopped at intersection.
Passerby glanced—careless—felt ironic—stab heart—poor pride.
Must look ugly now. Lost—like what.
Jiang Ya—pull yourself together—wake up.
Friends for life—not bad… right?
Now… still friends?
Light eyes down—unfocused ground—lips moved—barely visible curve.
Melancholy.
Crossed intersection—not toward Qi Yu’s shop—random quiet bar.
Past ten—guests moderate—habit second floor—corner single seat—several strong drinks never dared before.
Server brought cocktails—song playing—Jiang Ya listened—tasted silent—raise glass repeat—memories with Qi Yu surfaced.
Hummed lyrics inside.
One line—paused—stared at glass.
*Missing hurts like breath.*
*It lives in every corner of me.*
*Singing songs you loved hurts—reading your letters hurts—even silence hurts.*
Yes… how could silence hurt.
Vision blurred—in thin tears—young Qi Yu again—hot sincere eyes on her—bright smile.
Maybe some moment—even she did not notice—young smile disturbed her heartbeat.
How did they reach this step.
Clenched glass—white knuckles—hand trembling.
Head down—could not hold regret crash—sour sea flooded—wanted scream—only soft sob.
*I swear I won’t lie anymore.*
*The more I love you the tighter I’d hold you.*
*My smile’s all fake—soul floating—if only you were here.*
Head down—hair messy—hid face—bit lip—more restraint—regret pain crashed heart—cried anyway.
Nearby guests looked—curious—kind—even mock—Jiang Ya did not care.
Gave up—face on table—in arms—cried free—world only her left.
*I’m more and more like a shell.*
*Afraid heart touched—come back and it’s fine.*
*If only we could start over.*
If only start over.
Alas.
Cried enough—head up—stares withdrawn.
Deep breaths—tissue from bag—wiped—finished cup—frowned—did not put down.
Alcohol numbed brain—emotion eased—breath at last.
Phone out—dizziness—blinked—confirmed contact Qi Yu—fingers flew.
Many lines—what exactly unclear—poured heart—high school to now—all owed—all buried—thought no chance to say—now all out.
At final period—stared long text—blank.
Why say these. Now—old stories—what point.
Who wants her emotional dump.
Self-mock—heavy tired—forehead on arm—phone under table—delete—word by word—minutes.
Edited anew—one line.
*Qi Yu—I wish you happiness.*
……
Jiang Ya fell asleep unknowing.
Woke—soft voice ear.
“You okay?”
Familiar tone—Jiang Ya paused—ignored spinning—looked up urgent.
Young shy waitress—startled by her eyes—thought bothering—apologized fast.
“Sorry—boss said… worried you sleeping here alone… not good… so I came…”
“Fine.” Frowned closed eyes—held forehead—sat up hard. “Thanks for waking me—drank too much.”
Waitress kindly. “Want hot water?”
Jiang Ya: “Please—thanks.”
“Sure.”
Gone—Jiang Ya sighed—empty cups—no sense tonight—so much drink—and slept.
Damn.
Cursed herself.
Eyes corner—remembered—phone from bag.
Over ten unread—all missed calls—all Qi Yu alone.
Qi Yu: *What are you saying???*
Qi Yu: *What do you mean?*
Qi Yu: *I don’t understand. Answer my call*
Qi Yu: *Why not picking up? Where are you?*
More same.
Scrolling—mind blank—no clear emotion—mess—could not sort what to do now.
Hot water came—thanks—sip—stared screen—hesitate reply—call came—
Qi Yu again.
Name on screen—heart tight—answered.
Jiang Ya: “Hello?”
Voice still shook despite control.
Silence—then. “Why didn’t you answer?”
Eyes down—nowhere. “I… couldn’t—outside.”
“Where?” Pause. “You went drinking?”
Brow knit—lips pressed—how did she guess.
Silent—seemed decided—not answer.
Qi Yu: “Send address—I’ll find you.”
Hung up.
Jiang Ya still phone at ear—dazed.
Address sent anyway.
Qi Yu fast. Standing before her—Jiang Ya looked up—complex face—silent long.
At last soft voice.
“Come on—I’ll take you home.”
Something hollow inside filled.
Followed obediently.
Way back barely talked.
On Qi Yu’s e-bike—dizzy—grabbed corner of clothes—
Finally hand through waist—on shoulder—held very tight.
Tighter hug—more sour inside.
Knew Qi Yu coming meant nothing. Clear boundary—friends in name—strangers. Kind—safety worry—not strange.
Could only use that worry—to steal warmth a little longer.
Body so warm—back thin but reliable—faint scent in nose.
Wished hold forever.
No if.
This embrace belonged to another now—Qi Yu possessed by someone else—so sad—blocked chest—could not exhale.
Arms around waist—tighter—wish melt into her.
Qi Yu felt force—glanced back—saw nothing—low choked cry behind—restrained—seemed shatter ears.
Brow knit—silent—sped up.
Apartment near midnight—empty quiet.
Parked—finger touched left shoulder—thin tee—soaked.
Sighed—turned—deep look behind.
Jiang Ya in shadow—head down—silent.
“Why drink again? Why so much?”
“…Bad mood.”
“Why bad mood?”
“……”
Silent again.
Qi Yu looked—while—looked away—long sigh elsewhere.
Tired—no more study Jiang Ya—guess inside—no more self-delusion.
Beside her. “Go back—late.”
Still silent—followed—face in night—unreadable.
No energy to imagine—walked to elevator—pressed floor.
Fifth floor—Jiang Ya did not move.
Beside Qi Yu—pale blank stare ahead.
Qi Yu frowned—stopped door closing—key—confused. “We’re here—you not going up?”
Did not look at her—head down—shook head. “Don’t want to go back.”
Qi Yu: “Where then?”
“My place?” Qi Yu laughed helpless—drunk nonsense.
Jiang Ya silent—did not deny.
Qi Yu stunned.
No choice—drunk—could not abandon.
Saw five cups on table—scared—smell hit brain—not ordinary liquor.
What made her drink that much—worth it?
Vague answer—wiped fast—no more wasted emotion.
Code—Jiang Ya in first—door—pressed three again—turned—Jiang Ya before her—brow knit—eyes wet looking.
What now.
Sighed—stood straight—low heels—eye level.
“Really staying? You’re drunk—go back—I’ll send you.” Long silence—looked away—tired.
Still stared—sudden. “Are we still friends?”
Surprised—pause. “Yes… always—why ask?”
Corner of mouth twitched—eyes red instantly. “If yes… why… you found someone you like—and didn’t tell me?”
Qi Yu frowned. “What?”
“You… wish me happiness—that’s what you meant?”
“Yes.” Jiang Ya nodded frank—tear fell—forced smile. “Aren’t we friends? This kind of thing… how could you not tell me?”
“I… I would bless you happy of course.”
Smiling—but face muscles shook—smile almost could not hold.
Qi Yu stared—tears in eyes—old sour surged chest.
Gasp—explained. “Don’t know who you mean exactly—but… I’m not dating.”
“No one I like—no plan for next relationship.”
“I think… alone now—I’m fine.”
Heart rose fell with her words—breath just eased—caught again.
Step forward—almost into arms—in Qi Yu’s lost look—hand up her body—grabbed clothes—pleaded. “No one you like?”
“How can you have no one you like.”
“How can you… have no one you like.”
Voice choked blurred.
“Then me? In your heart… where am I?” Closed in—red eyes demanding.
Qi Yu wide-eyed—shocked face near—stunned—light push—looked away—forced smile—panic inside. “We… aren’t we friends?”
“Don’t joke.”
“I’m not joking.”
“You drank too much.”
Smile fell—cold eyes.
No longer looked—pushed—several times—Jiang Ya did not leave.
Brow knit—turned—face suddenly close—lips soft blocked.
Disbelief—Jiang Ya gripped collar—eyes closed—kissed her.