Chapter 47: Heartache

Almost instinct—just moved—elevator door shut—cut off flash of thought.
Qi Yu still frozen—dazed—chaotic heart rate eased as elevator rose.
Tightened fingers on shopping bag—eyes on elevator door—calm outside—mind tangled.
Uneasy all way to apartment door.
Bag down—shoes off—water… all unconscious—brain full of one blurred image.
Jiang Ya against wall—almost falling—body like broken willow—might collapse anytime.
Last time escorting her to hospital vivid—memory replayed—entwined with just now—could not shake—unease growing.
Instant noodles ready—waiting—sat sofa—stared at fork in cup—could not hold back—phone.
Still friends—even if not—neighbors. Human decency to ask—normal.
Convincing self—scrolled chat with Jiang Ya.
Down down—near bottom.
Familiar avatar—finger paused—three words fast.
*You okay?*
Stared at send—inner pep talk—tapped.
Sent—breath in—uneasy—and vague regret.
Why bother. Maybe fine—she overthinking.
But what if?
Special case—most people could not ignore—even not her—Tang—Li Wen—anyone she knew—would not stay silent?
Chaos—phone vibrated—Jiang Ya replied.
*Fine—don’t worry*
Fine.
Fine is good.
Relief.
Both hands on phone—stared long—noodles soft—fingers on keyboard trembled—two words typed—deleted at once.
Enough. What was she doing.
Wanted to despise herself.
How many times before learning.
Wake up—what softness left.
Hah. Maybe other did not care need—she emotional flood—cheap concern—finally moved herself—“good friend” medal.
Why bother. Still unclear boundaries.
Best dignity—neither cross line again.
Not suitable.
Came back—cartoon avatar eyes turned cold—screen off—tossed phone on sofa.
End here.
……
Late May.
Early summer—hot—air baked—even night breeze rare.
Still crowds night-running by sea.
Promenade along coast—old and young even—sweating past.
Qi Yu one of them.
Ashamed—insisted lately—half lap max—even lost to some elders.
Another muscular old man passed—Qi Yu could not—stopped—hands on knees—sweat rain from face.
Lungs tearing—throat dry burn—almost taste blood.
Watching back ahead—stood—wiped brow—frowned—moved again.
Caught up—could not last. “You… run ahead—I need rest.”
“So fast? Not even one lap—under three km.” Hand on shoulder—Qi Yu slowed—looked up—Zhou He smiling.
Unlike last time—high ponytail—sportswear—young—hard to believe near forty.
“More training—youngster.” Zhou He slowed—patted shoulder.
“Now you look young—I really can’t.” Qi Yu turned—smiled back.
Side by side—stone steps—off promenade to lawn—gravel to convenience store. Zhou He two room-temp waters—one to Qi Yu.
Bench under tree—promenade below—pillars—sand—sea—quiet pleasant.
Qi Yu wiping sweat—Zhou He beside. “Seems long since we ran together.”
“Usually alone.”
Qi Yu folded tissue—trash—smiled. “I dragged you today—else you’d finish a lap easy.”
“Mm—I usually do two.” Zhou He did not deny—raised brow at Qi Yu.
Qi Yu blank—turned laughed. “Next time separate—won’t hold you back.”
Zhou He drank slow—glanced—capped—smiled. “Next time… don’t know when.”
Qi Yu missed meaning—bright. “Anytime—you free—tomorrow ok.”
“Not what I mean.”
“Huh?”
Smile faded—looked—Zhou He at sea—eyes bright—lips smiling.
Calm tone. “I resigned.”
“And… plan to travel—first stop Liucheng—second… not set—plan when back.”
Two sentences—too much—Qi Yu blank—stared—turned—thin smile. “So sudden…”
“How long… going?”
“Unclear.” Chin up—long gaze. “Maybe a month—maybe half year?”
“Or if somewhere suits me—I might settle there.”
……
“So you won’t come back?”
Zhou He looked at Qi Yu—squinted—still smiling. “What—you’ll miss me?”
Qi Yu stared—stunned.
She did miss. But “regret” fit better.
Hard to find same frequency now. Knowing Zhou He—gained much—teacher and friend—rare bond hard to lose.
Silent—Zhou He silent with her.
Both at ocean—quiet deep waves.
Zhou He: “Not really sudden.”
“Parents in Nanliu—father seriously ill year end—came back. After surgery stable early year—I had this idea.”
“Privileged family—many envied—but high-intensity rhythm always.”
“Young—helped father’s company—endless contracts—dinners—clients—soulless busy.”
“Later… things happened—slow pace—hobby job—some own time.”
“Now… financially free—but no lying flat.”
“World still beautiful to explore—not one patch of land.”
“Should have left half month ago. Because of you—delayed.”
“I like you quite a bit.”
Done—looked at Qi Yu.
Qi Yu shocked by bluntness—inner uproar—nervous—blinked—no words.
Zhou He read her—laughed light. “Don’t look at me like that—silly.”
“No other meaning—like being with you… adult fondness—not only romance—right?”
“…Yes.” Tension gone—looked down—smiled. “Same for me.”
Glanced Zhou He—wanted speak—stopped.
Zhou He saw—kind smile. “Enough—no sad talk.”
“You said personal feelings—resolved now?”
Qi Yu paused—someone unavoidable in mind.
Twitched lips—no need hide Zhou He. “Should… count as resolved.”
Zhou He: “Should?”
“Then not resolved.” Hit mark. “Still her in your heart?”
“Tell me—what kind of person?”
“She…” stared at grass—stopped.
Describe Jiang Ya—where to start.
Silence—Qi Yu. “She’s… excellent—from when I knew her.”
“Like me—inward—but better at expressing—knows how to get along—communicate.”
“Kind—loves animals… teacher—serious with students—willing to give…”
Just stating facts—unconsciously piled virtues—perfect person.
Zhou He laughed. “So good—then between you… what problem?”
“…Just friends.” Bitter smile. “And… she’s straight—impossible.”
“You ever told her your feelings?”
“Once—rejected—then… met again last year—felt different from before—but…”
Pushed away scene—bitterness deeper. “Maybe self-delusion again.”
“No future between us.”
“Never thought to talk seriously again?”
“……”
Qi Yu silent.
Fingers on chair edge—nerve jumping—chaos inside.
A while—looked up—smiled at Zhou He. “You said you had a story to share? I remember.”
Zhou He light smile.
Sea again—voice low pleasant—slow. “When I knew her—about your age—shorter—petite—also wrote—always said she’d sign—be famous author.”
“Optimistic—whatever happened—even when I hurt for her—she comforted me—hope in heart—things turn good.”
“Cute—good person—older than her—but childish before her—she didn’t mind—played with me.”
“We promised—first snow of new year together.”
Smile while telling—infected Qi Yu—imagined happiness.
“Did you go?”
Zhou He shook head—smile fell bit—voice still calm.
“Later—terminal cancer—did not live past that winter.”
“Last wish—not fulfilled either.”
Qi Yu shocked.
Stared Zhou He long—mixed feelings.
Zhou He out of memory—looked—smiled. “No need comfort me.”
“Nearly ten years—not drowning forever. Parting—lesson life must learn.”
“Once resented—unfair fate—so young optimistic—how illness wore will down.”
“We loved—even parents accepted… sometimes people can’t have what they want.”
Deep sigh—turned—hand on Qi Yu shoulder—earnest. “Later I understood—accident can come anytime future.”
“All we can do—cherish present.”
“Anything want to do—anyone want to see—choices undecided… all early—no regret.”
“One life—at least no remorse.”
Pat shoulder—Qi Yu deep look—emotion surging complex.
……
Going back Zhou He offered ride—Qi Yu did not refuse—after goodbye—who knows when again.
Car at apartment—Qi Yu out—Zhou He followed.
Night—face to face.
Qi Yu sighed—smiled. “Happy travels—share photos when you can.”
“If you return—we can meet again.”
“Don’t be so serious—like never again.”
Zhou He opened arms—generous smile. “Come—hug before leave—next time may be long.”
Qi Yu paused—did not refuse—stepped close—awkward arms—embraced.
Zhou He patted back—whispered ear. “Remember—no regret—live once—brave—whatever ending—clear conscience.”
“Okay.” Qi Yu smiled—chin in shoulder.
Night deep—they thought no one—held longer.
Unaware—beyond tree shadow—one figure stood—motionless—staring.
Jiang Ya did not know how long watched.
Clear Qi Yu’s face—blood froze—heart stopped—brain blank—body could not move.
Stood—watching tight embrace.
Moment—almost could not hold.
Head dizzy—ears ringing—limbs weak—only heart hammering chest—seemed to shatter.
She had been held too—but place in arms—another now.
Thought alone—heart hurt—hurt.
Hurt like breaking—near suffocation—tears full—no sound cry.
Jiang Ya stepped back two—mouth open for air—body shook from pain.
Hand trembling on chest—heart beat strong—each beat like knife drilling in.
So this feeling—was heartache.