Chapter 49: Taking Responsibility

The kiss was not fierce.
Only lips on lips—green and reckless.
But that dragonfly touch—the moment it landed—Qi Yu’s inside detonated.
All thought cleared—reason just built—collapsed at once. Stunned rigid—world suddenly quiet—only erratic heartbeat.
Jiang Ya could not kiss—no skill. Only instinct and desire—lips pressed to Qi Yu’s—grip on collar tighter—clothes wrinkled—would not loosen.
Did not know what she was doing—maybe mad—maybe not Jiang Ya now. Even overstepped—even abyss—even nowhere to run—did not matter.
Only wanted Qi Yu to see—even if this sincerity unworthy—even if fear cowardice selfishness hidden—still wanted to hold it out.
This heart no longer dead—alive because of her—beating for her.
Until now—everything torturing Jiang Ya—finally answered.
What made her day and night—worry from bone—sour pain seeping—that thing—called love.
Love unreasonable in this world. Slow poison—body occupied—emotion invaded—reason looted without asking.
When you could not have it—sickness finally broke out.
Love—restraint burst after suppression. Love—knowing you should not—cannot help touch.
Both breaking rules—a fall with no winner.
Kissed long—who moved first—lips brushed light—heat scattered—air thick.
Qi Yu’s back against door—no retreat—only dazed receiving Jiang Ya’s clumsy kiss. Long—lips numb—loosened—Jiang Ya covered again.
Qi Yu’s eyes full of physiological tears—wanted to see—only blur and shadow. Dared not move—did not know how—let kiss continue—forgot to breathe—noses close—thin air fought over—almost gone.
Like suffocation—head dizzy—heart still pounding stupid hard.
Before she thought she would suffocate—Jiang Ya finally left lips.
Shallow rapid breath at ears—they looked deep—wet tender eyes—emotion surging.
Jiang Ya lowered eyes—forehead lightly touched Qi Yu’s—bit lower lip—teeth slid—tasted salty tears.
“Sorry…” sobbed a while—trembling voice—“really sorry… I don’t know what’s wrong with me… why I became like this…”
“But tell me—okay?”
Jiang Ya looked up—grip on collar loosened—tearful eyes on Qi Yu—gasping. “Tell me… what do I do—what do I do… for you to like me?”
“What do I do? How?”
“How… even a little—a little more… can we stop pretending strangers—okay?”
“My heart… hurts so much.”
One hand on her chest—brow knit—another tear—pitiful rain.
Qi Yu silent—also watched Jiang Ya—brow tight—tears rimming—kissed lips red—pressed—trembling from holding back.
Still could not believe.
Felt like dream—more afraid only a dream.
……
Wanted to ask—dared not speak—afraid years of held emotion would break—tsunami swallow her.
So held—sour crashing—nose trembling—tears overflow—still not fully loose.
Until Jiang Ya looked stung—disappointment in eyes—relieved self-mock smile—about to release grip—Qi Yu could not hold.
Pulled Jiang Ya tight—chin deep in shoulder—eyes closed—tears fell—asked. “Are you serious?”
“Jiang Ya—don’t play me.”
Bit molars—stubbornness and unconscious humility in tone.
Afraid—so afraid.
Behind her Jiang Ya’s hands slowly around her back—forehead on shoulder—body shaking with sobs.
When calmer—heard. “Serious.”
“You don’t believe?”
Voice muffled—heavy nose.
Qi Yu held—did not let go. “I dare not believe.”
“Why?”
“…You should know best.” Opened eyes—tilted head—softer. “You said… we can only be friends?”
Jiang Ya silent—lifted face from shoulder—sniffed. “…Then I take it back—okay?”
“Not friends?”
“Mm.”
“Not friends… then what?”
“Be…” Jiang Ya arms tighter—smelled Qi Yu’s hair—slightly down—lips on Qi Yu’s shoulder—voice too low to hear.
Qi Yu suddenly laughed—raised brow—tears still in eyes. “Be what?”
“Whatever you want… to be.”
Then buried face in Qi Yu’s neck—however asked—muted.
Qi Yu could not help laughing.
Just did something so intimate—now shy to say one sentence.
Did not press—could not bear let go—changed topic. “Then why drink tonight? Why send that message?”
Emotion flat—shame came late—finger quietly drew lines on Qi Yu’s back—low. “Can we not talk?”
Qi Yu: “I want to hear.”
Finger stopped—silence—then. “…When I got off work—downstairs—I saw.”
“Thought…”
“Thought we were together?”
Jiang Ya silent again.
Qi Yu sighed—head on Jiang Ya’s thin shoulder like bird home—frank. “I have been talking with her lately—excellent—helped me many ways—I did think… whether we could go deeper.”
Hearing—Jiang Ya’s finger drew restless again. “Then—she’s so good—why not try?”
Once Qi Yu would think sincere question—now—sour tone so obvious.
Curved lips—deep breath. “Can’t try. She’s leaving soon—what you saw downstairs—goodbye.”
Jiang Ya: “If she didn’t leave?”
“Still can’t try.”
“Because…” Qi Yu moved lips near Jiang Ya’s ear—felt her shiver—“someone’s already in my heart—no room for others for now.”
“This person—so domineering—once not enough—wants second stay—what do I do?”
“Should I punish her?”
Jiang Ya voice tiny. “How punish?”
Qi Yu warm smile. “Punish her—can’t be my friend.”
“Only my girlfriend—what do you think?”
Hearing—even if Qi Yu wanted loose to see face—Jiang Ya still held—head buried—only soft “mm.”
Qi Yu pretended not hear—wanted tease—got one annoyed line back.
Could not help laugh—no more words—held tighter—rare warmth in embrace.
……
Jiang Ya slept at Qi Yu’s place.
Qi Yu meant honey water for hangover—returned living room—Jiang Ya already asleep on sofa.
Drank too much—deep sleep—Qi Yu could not wake—carried to bedroom.
Bedside lamp only—tucked thin quilt—sat bedside—gazed at sleeping face.
Tonight like dream—pinched self several times—real pain—heart finally settled.
Dim warm yellow on face—cold features warmed.
Traced features—on lips—eyes flickered—unbidden kiss memory.
Light shallow—branded deep deep.
When did Jiang Ya change toward her?
Recent? Or… past almost forgotten.
Thinking now—some regret.
That night—braver—firmer—held her hand—not rush tear letter leave—would fate change?
If like Zhou He said—live present—confess earlier—seven-year gap?
Much thought—finally let go.
Young vague feeling touching—but may not survive years. Maybe fate arranged—separation not miss—stored for next meeting.
Present best.
Person before eyes most precious.
“Good night”—leaned close—eyes lingered lips—raised chin—only kiss on forehead.
……
Next morning.
Jiang Ya woke—head splitting—world spinning—struggled up—stared at wall blank.
Blank nearly two minutes—looked around.
Strange bedroom—strange decor—panic flash—remembered—Qi Yu’s room.
Last night… how stay overnight—did not even change clothes…
Closed eyes—rubbed temples—sat until better—left bedroom light-footed.
Sofa—paused—person sleeping there.
Qi Yu back to her—curled on sofa—thin blanket on belly—breath long steady—still asleep.
Afraid sound—each step careful—squatted before sofa—watched.
Gaze gentle on face—wanted tuck stray hair—hand stopped midair.
Stalled—last night flooded mind like tide.
Especially—reckless kiss on Qi Yu.
Shocked—hands over mouth—eyes wide—pupils shaking.
Long daze—memories clearer—swallowed—finger slowly down—touched own lips.
Jiang Ya—you’re crazy.
How… such shameful thing.
They…
Eyes flickered—looked aside restless—remembered all.
From embrace downstairs—drunk madness—Qi Yu took her home—then…
“Tsk…” head down—hands on forehead—emotions mixed—how face Qi Yu.
Could have another way… why that way.
That mad woman really her… bit lip—shy—still could not believe boldness.
Distracted—did not notice sofa person awake—watching quietly.
Looked up—startled.
“You… you’re awake.”
Dazed look made Qi Yu laugh.
Qi Yu silent—gazed—soft eyes—Jiang Ya stunned again.
Cheeks warm—wanted cool face—wrong—eyes dodged—stood. “I… haven’t washed—I’ll go wash.”
Just stood—hand pulled—pause—arms around waist from behind.
Qi Yu hugged from behind—sleep not gone—voice lazy sexy—Jiang Ya’s heart trembled.
“Teacher Jiang—leaving so fast?”
“Kissed last night—won’t take responsibility today?”