Chapter 199: Awakening

Shen Miao dreamed a long dream.
Long as a lifetime. She watched from outside—infant to skipping girl, girl to maiden, maiden to wife, wife to empress beyond reach, empress to cold-palace castaway, ash in roaring fire.
She watched herself love Fu Xiuyi—beg Shen Xin to marry him—sat beside trying to stop her own folly—useless—no one heard—could only watch it all happen again.
From outside, how stupid those years looked. Worse—reliving every heart-tearing pain. Girlhood ended at Prince Ding's gate—carefree days gone—even called dull and slow, they were free and light. As Princess Consort—forced into schemes and knives.
Even her children could not escape.
One by one they left. First branch of Shen waned—once glory like spring flowers at peak—summer passed—autumn wind—petals fell—cold and bare.
In that dark life almost without light—some things she had ignored. Stars buried in night—found again—bright as ever. Like stray embers in the courtyard—sharp color—making dull cold night fragrant.
She saw Xie Jingxing.
Not the wild boy—not the hero dead on the field—proud and blazing as in later days—high horse—long bow—talking, overturning a dynasty. Moonlight wine she gave for his departure—on black-cloud siege day he returned a wish she could never finish in one life.
Daytime fireworks once—though not that New Year's promise. Strangers by rights—yet indispensable.
Wish fulfilled through him—rebirth through him.
That life's bond too brief—beautiful, hoped-for—cut by fate. Pity—so this life—short thread could continue.
Unspoken questions need not be spoken—doubts and answers scattered at once.
Past karma forged future fruit.
Shen Miao opened her eyes slowly.
Rain-after-sky blue curtains—corner hung fine sachet—dampen bitter medicine—scent and drug mixed—strange lingering taste.
She looked sideways.
Young man slumped at bedside—hand still tight on hers—eyes closed—green stubble on chin—not obvious—unlike his usual pampered ease.
Knuckles clear—long warm fingers—her hand fully covered. She moved slightly—Xie woke.
Seeing her eyes open—he stared blank—then: "You're awake!"
She nodded.
"Anything wrong?" he pressed. "Call Gao Yang?"
Usually lazy, indifferent—now rare panic. She said: "No need. I'm fine." Asked: "How is Master Pei?"
Xie's face darkened at once.
She saw the shift—understood—hard to explain. Pei hateful? Yes—past life took fingertip blood for Lady Mei—whether "changing fate" was real—still helped evil—and "cut weeds, uproot roots" to Fu Xiuyi helped ruin Fu Ming.
Feelings for Pei tangled—she could forgive much—not Fu Ming—could not forgive Pei. Yet Pei traded life for her second chance.
Pure gratitude or pure hate impossible—only draw a line. No more "owed" or "owing" with Pei—past life settled—this life owe him nothing, let him owe nothing. She remembered clearly—child assassin lunged—Pei took the heaviest blade. If Pei died for her—two lives' knot never clean.
But Xie's look—misunderstanding. When angry he oddly resembled Luo Sui's wolf pup in the army.
She smoothed the pup: "He saved my life—life-debt—stranger risking all—can't shrug that off."
Xie eased slightly: "Gao Yang saw him—woke once last night—hard to kill." Glanced at her: "You wouldn't wake—another day I'd have cut off that priest's head."
"Priest?" She froze. "Chiyan Daoist?"
"What daoist." Scorn. "Silver-grubbing swindler." So-called Chiyan left Prince Rui's manor early—took fine antique vase from hall as "thanks"—what kind of sage counts coin all day?
Hearing the vase—she wondered. Long dream answered much—not necessarily true—yet she felt it was her whole past life.
That priest—met on road from Qin to Ming Qi—thought refugee in disguise—she Shen Xin's daughter—kind—gave water—never guessed the chain.
If she had believed him—not returned to Dingjing—maybe no later tragedy. Yet knowing it was one-way road to yellow springs—still no other choice—children in deep palace.
Priest still closed a karmic thread.
She remembered.
Dream—corpse burned to ash by Fu's fire—nothing left—grudge heavy—would not disperse. Lady Mei sent rites—no vengeful ghost—no rebirth—soul trapped in palace walls—wandering weaker daily.
All relics burned—without red cord on Xie's wrist—she would have vanished.
Cord eased suffering—ghost days nested in cord on his wrist—dazed.
Until siege day.
Saw Fu Sheng die by own side—Lady Mei and Fu Xiuyi bound on wall—watch arrows pierce both—hated palaces burn flat—unfinished wish—soul finally at peace.
Cord snapped—could let go—time reversed—Pei paid with life—she lived again.
Xie saw her silent: "What's wrong?"
She looked at him—speechless.
No wonder past and present bound tight—past life had ties. He owed her a wish—joke once—kept promise—killed Fu pair—avenged her.
Softly: "Xie Jingxing—do you have a wish?"
Glance: "What—you'll fulfill mine?"
"I can give you one wish. Whatever I can—I will."
So solemn he looked twice—then smiled: "Fine." Leaned close: "My wish… you can do."
"What?"
"Give me a child." Casual.
She stared. He touched nose—about to speak—she said: "Fine."
He startled.
Her lips held real smile—not held-back polite—open joy—even tenderness.
He reached for her forehead: "Still feverish."
She pushed his hand: "Xie Jingxing—on my birthday—you were terrified."
He let go—she calm—relief—followed: "You think? I thought…" Didn't finish. Even now—that scene—her in blood unconscious—heart seized—worse than first northern war when ambushed—life unknown.
He had fears—feared losing—had soft spot—all three—the person before him.
"I'll make amends." She said: "Your birthday passed long ago—today counts as belated gift?"
He stared: "Thanks—but don't strain—body not healed."
"Flesh wound only." She rose: "Let's go out."
Today abnormal—not playful type—warmer than before—used to hold herself—strong pride—cold war so long—this near coaxing surprised him.
He narrowed eyes: "Did something behind my back?"
"Mm." She nodded seriously.
"Pei related?" Cold face.
Deep breath—can't spoil this temper—thoughts running wild—back to usual face: "Coming or not?"
Before he spoke—voice behind: "Go."
Gao Yang entered—looked at Shen: "Heard you woke—came see. Wound skin-deep—nothing inside." To Xie: "Move too—days indoors—no sun. Fine weather—don't return too late."
Picked medical box and left.
They faced each other—silence—then Xie laughed: "What do you want to play?"
"Since Longye—never strolled." She said: "Unfamiliar—walk anywhere—tell me of this place." Remembered: "That day at pavilion outside Bixiao—I had Bajiao buy fireworks—probably still there—bring them."
"Fireworks in daylight?" He stared. "Head injured too?"
"Ever seen daytime fireworks?"
"Only fools."
"I have."
He puzzled.
"Night pretty—day not worse. You haven't—I'll show." Smiled— tried to rise—legs stiff from bed—sharp pain—gasp.
Xie stood smiling, arms crossed: "Need help?"
"Would you?" She knew mischief in his face.
"Ask nicely—I might."
He bent close—as if to hear her soften.
Temper unreadable—domineering even as youth—adult scheming—yet now prankster boy teasing.
She stared at his handsome profile—impulse—crisp kiss on his cheek.
He froze. She looked away—sachet on bedpost.
"Shen Miao—" frown—"really ill—Gao Yang again—" moved to leave—she snapped: "Xie Jingxing!"
Foot paused—turned—teasing now—she knew trap—regret—he laughed loud— swept her up—she hooked his neck.
Carried out—servants stared. Past or present—never this bold with a man close. Ding palace or inner court—empress posture—even Lady Mei rarely carried by Fu in public—would be "debauched emperor and femme fatale."
Past life dignified empress—this life femme fatale? Xie quite debauched emperor. She fumed—pinched him: "Put me down!"
"Shy now?" Brow up—tone vile—"Just now daylight indecent assault on my virtue…"
Only breathe steady.
Luo Tan approached—unexpected—usually bold—still a girl—awkward. Shen asked down—Luo Tan eyes nowhere—Shen: "Hard work these days."
"No no." Waved—feared Xie beside—had raged at him for her—regretted—Prince Rui's power—if grudge on Shen—sin—now intimate—no fight—relieved.
"Oh." Luo Tan remembered—pulled from sleeve—placed in Shen's hand: "Chiyan Daoist left this—asked me give you—parting gift."
Small wood box—carved chicken and snake—Luo Tan: "Why chicken and snake?"
Shen: "…Dragon and phoenix."
Carving crude—without knowing—wouldn't tell. Luo Tan choked. Shen opened—two red cords inside.
"This…" Luo Tan: "Just red string—what's special—talked mysterious—not even herbs—stingy priest—whole valley of medicine—"
Shen stared—eyes flickering.
Past life one cord from priest—years—then Xie's wrist—ghost nested there—link between past life and Xie's bond.
Suddenly cord felt familiar.
Bound one on her wrist—Luo Tan shocked: "Cousin—you'll wear that?"
Satisfied—lifted other—Xie: "Hand."
"Won't."
"Hand."
Incredulous: "I'm a man."
"Protects peace." She bluffed: "Both wear—if you're in danger I'll know—if I'm in danger you feel."
Luo Tan weak: "Really… that magical?"
Didn't care—Chiyan capable—gift precious—even if plain—meaning deeper than gold.
Xie didn't refuse—disgusted but let her tie—tight knot.
Luo Tan grimaced—manly Prince Rui—red cord—jarring with brocade.
Shen: "Done."
Xie snatched hand back—sleeve over red.
Luo Tan: "Delivered—busy—I'll go." Winked at Shen—drawled: "Cousin this good—I rest easy!" Ran.
Shen: "…"
Xie: "Fireworks—go!"
Prince Rui servants: "…"
Congyang whispered Tieyi: "Sick one is madam—master's brain broken—daylight fireworks?"
Tieyi deadpan handed broom: "Sweep!"
……
Weiyang Palace—Empress Xiande reading on couch—listened to maid—set book—relief: "Good she's fine. Troubles lately—almost went burn incense."
Assassination hidden from public—not from Yongle Emperor and Empress. Gao Yang helpless—palace doctors worse. Strange days—Prince Rui manor—Xie first—barely escaped—then Shen—now Shen awake—stone dropped.
No mood to read—stood at window. Rain last night—fine today—no trace of storm—except plum by window—leaves stripped.
Murmured: "Longye unsettled too."
Storm brewing—copper walls—since Xie returned to Great Li—twice attacked—signal—warning—or counter?
Because Yongle moved on Lu clan.
Tao Gugu—Xiande's woman officer since coronation—most loyal.
Tao Gugu: "Today Consort Jing went to study—tears going in—bad coming out—Jinghua maids say—punished servants—smashed things—furious."
Xiande smiled faint: "Lu lost—testing emperor via Jing—Lu madam visited Jing days ago?"
"Emperor less patient with Jing—Jing restrained toward you lately. If Lu struck—Jing side—you think…"
"Leave to emperor." Cool. "Sincere or false—I can't tell. Entered palace—know the rules." Looked worried Tao Gugu—laughed: "You think I still care?"
Tao Gugu silent.
Xiande looked out: "From queen's seat—I stopped being woman. Emperor's wife isn't wife—shares the realm. Fortune and ruin—life and death together. Never afraid—only regret…" Hand on belly: "Never bore his child."
"Had it not been Consort Jing…" Tao Gugu grit—hate and unshed grief.
"Enough." Tired wave—smile numb and bleak: "With or without Jing—couldn't keep that child." Soft: "Look at inner palace—who bore his child?"
"None. None can. So though I regret—all women regret—mine less alone. At least—this seat unshaken."