Chapter 18

I had never felt Nan High's dismissal bell was so torturous.
Almost as soon as the bell rang, rustling sounds of packing bags and rummaging through drawers filled the surroundings. Girls' laughter and boys inviting each other to go play somewhere rose and fell.
Goodbye voices also mixed into the unusually lively classroom. My ears should have been filled with noise, but probably due to psychological effects, my hearing was several times sharper than usual: The seat behind me made almost no sound. It was clear the other party was just sitting quietly in her seat, waiting for the classroom to slowly empty.
So the unbalanced panic in my heart was suddenly magnified, like a swaying scale, swinging left and right, making it impossible for my brain to maintain calm.
The slight nervousness made me restless. My right hand, still holding a pen, unconsciously spun it, trying to relieve a bit of that helplessness of being about to be judged through this boring method.
I was organizing in my mind how to phrase things in a moment when a boy I usually got along with patted my shoulder, signaling me to walk together after school: "Want to go play? Basketball or arcade?"
"I have something today." The pen I was spinning stopped with a snap and was put away. I showed an apologetic expression and punched his arm: "See you tomorrow."
"Alright, you have to come next time." The other party readily agreed, casually waved at me, and was about to leave when his gaze suddenly fell on my back seat.
The classroom was almost empty now. Even the boys who would stay to play basketball had already grabbed their bags and run to the courts. But Luo Zhuowei and I were still sitting in our seats as if nothing was wrong. Our intention to wait for the classroom to clear couldn't be more obvious.
This situation wasn't uncommon for boys in Class 3 of second year: Like me now, boys who called out to Luo Zhuowei after school to wait, then confessed after everyone left weren't few.
So I saw an ambiguous, teasing smile appear on my friend's face.
He was almost enlightened, his face practically covered with "I understand." After winking and making faces at me, he very understandingly dragged the remaining two boys out with arms around shoulders, not forgetting to turn back and make a few silent mouth shapes at me.
I understood.
It was "Happy getting rejected."
What terrible friends.
But this interruption didn't eliminate the nervousness in my heart. Rather, it was growing wildly. My heartbeat, along with that thoughtfully closed classroom door, spiraled completely out of control, almost jumping out of my chest.
I did mental preparation over and over. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then turned around and sat backwards in my chair like I usually did when talking to Luo Zhuowei, trying to speak as naturally as possible: "Luo Zhuowei."
The moment I opened my mouth, I felt it was over. My voice sounded too nervous. My vocal cords were all twisted tight. That I didn't go off-key was already fortunate.
She looked at me quietly. The orange-red light from the setting sun outside the window made her eyes look very clear, no different from amber stones.
Beautiful enough to render one speechless.
#28
Was this how those boys who called her out and confessed to her felt?
That dismissal bell's presence was abruptly magnified millions of times, making one anxious, making one uneasy. It was completely like the last supper before judgment, panic behind with a subtle expectation, expecting the best imagined answer.
If only she could be as calm and composed as usual.
If it were the usual kind of confession, she definitely wouldn't be this at a loss now, having to carefully interpret every action of the other party into no less than ten meanings. If his expression and body language didn't match usual, then she would also start secretly worrying.
As time passed bit by bit, there were almost no classmates left in the classroom. Then Luo Zhuowei saw Chen Hang's friend come over to talk to him.
The distance between front and back seats was only the length of a desk. Luo Zhuowei naturally caught all those little playful interactions between boys. She quietly watched that boy drag the remaining two classmates out, then turn back and make mouth shapes at Chen Hang with a smile.
Luo Zhuowei of course understood those mouth shapes too.
It's just that none of them would think that this time, the person who wanted to confess wasn't Chen Hang—it was her.
She tucked the hair that had fallen to her cheek behind her left ear, unconsciously smiling bitterly at her current situation in her heart: This really wasn't like her.
Luo Zhuowei pursed her lips. Her gaze slowly moved along that shrinking door gap. Her heart trembled slightly the moment that gap completely closed. That door was like it was connected to her nerves. The moment it closed signaled something beginning.
"Luo Zhuowei."
But when it came down to it, if she weren't barely maintaining that shaky composure and reserve, she almost wanted to flee from Chen Hang's gaze.
Chen Hang sitting backwards in his chair, then resting his elbows on her desk edge, speaking gently to her—this appearance was clearly something she was used to seeing.
But this familiar everyday scene absolutely wasn't everyday right now. Without those classmates laughing and playing in the hallway, the tone with which he called her name was no longer the light, joking tone of usual.
It was careful, solemn, with the same nervousness as her.
Are you nervous too?
...Is your helplessness for the same reason as mine?
Luo Zhuowei didn't speak. She just raised her eyes, met Chen Hang's gaze, and seriously looked into his eyes in response to his call.
Even though those eyes were filled with her own appearance, which she had almost exhausted herself trying to appear calm.
Her palm already felt the slight pain of being pinched. Her left hand on her thigh unconsciously clenched into a fist.
Falling in love in puberty was too dangerous. Just losing the initiative she usually held was enough to make one so uneasy.
Luo Zhuowei reflexively held her breath. She finally understood why those boys always seemed unable to speak in front of her.
What was the difference between this and a predator and prey meeting on the food chain?
She felt like she had dragged herself to the bottom of the food chain. All her thoughts were exposed before Chen Hang, both wanting to be caught by him and afraid of being killed by his possible coldness.
These eyes she adored were the same. Luo Zhuowei had hoped countless times to see more emotion exclusive to her in these eyes, but right now she was timid. These dark, attractive pupils reflected her exposed panic, all the honesty she could muster.
That tear mole under his left eye had been within reach yesterday, but today it felt impossibly distant.
It was only the distance of a desk apart.
The long silence stretched out this mutual gaze, but unexpectedly, the first to break was Chen Hang.
She heard Chen Hang remain silent for a long time, then finally, as if having made a great resolution, asked in a tone of going all out: "Yesterday... was it an accident for you?"