Chapter 67: Pain

Words out—Qi Yu regretted instantly.
Love someone—know their scars—now ripping flesh—drilling Jiang Ya’s wounds—hurt not only Jiang Ya.
Brief silence—both bloody mess.
Hurt? So hurt—each heartbeat pain spread.
Qi Yu rigid—blood head—dizzy—but clear—Jiang Ya only paused—seconds—walked on.
Tear-blurred on her firm steps—distance widened—trembling worse—wanted pin wall—ask—did she ever love?
If not—what were all those days?
If yes—why change overnight?
Just family? Family matter—what am I? Not worth one moment of favor—disposable—summoned dismissed toy?
Back gone—tears flood—laughed uncontrolled—two steps back—wall—head down—drops floor—each drop sour confusion anger—powerless.
Promises—brick wall of love—only glass—shattered easy.
Bitter smile—long stare gone direction—anger to cold.
Calm down?
Jiang Ya—as you wish.
Hope you never regret.
Slam—Jiang Ya flinched—kitchen door—empty living room.
Stared door—slam deafening—how resolute she left.
Really gone—won’t return?
What you wanted—why heart so hurt.
Alone—words echo—each knife—especially “don’t regret”—brand mind.
Collapsed.
Tears corner—sob to wail—squat floor—broken as loud cry.
Until breathless—near suffocate—still sour—tears only outlet.
Qi Yu blame? Hate her?
What could she do?
Imagine both families pointing—filial impiety—ugly words—could they hold? Qi Yu rejected—by everyone?
Don’t want be sinner—don’t want war with world.
……
Qi Yu right—you don’t deserve love.
Why let Qi Yu meet you—why meet—should live separate worlds—fate cruel.
Love—sweet poison—should not—drank willing.
Now terminal—no cure.
Cried long—quiet house—intermittent never stop—heart shredded—pain breath—dry heave.
Kneel floor—vomit exhausted—stop.
Zaizai sensed—lay beside—looked innocent.
Slight smile—stroke head—slow—mouth tremble—dry eyes full again.
Remember found together—feeding mutter—laugh tease—jealous over cat…
Scan living room—every corner memory—relive—greeting in ear—arms near—warmth on skin…
Instant—shatter—parents blame—Qi Yu rage—glass from all sides—stab body.
Gone—world blank—all left—only her.
Back wall—floor sit—glasses off—swollen eyes—ceiling light—bright stab—unblinking.
Will you regret?
Asking self.
Already know answer.
Lost—which road right wrong—afraid one step—abyss.
Tired.
Eyes up—close—nothing—last question.
Your decision… really right?
……
When Tang heartbroken Qi Yu mocked her—not human.
Now Qi Yu worse than Tang.
First week—no tea no food—work fill—novel updates frantic—no second to think.
Night memories maggots in brain—cannot erase Jiang Ya—deeper pull—almost mad.
Weekend two nights tell Tang—drink cup after cup—Tang scared—sleepy comfort.
One night drunk apartment—long message Jiang Ya—grievance blame faint hate—cannot let go—hate cold—hate why throw her away.
No reply.
Next day saw record—slapped self twice—blocked WeChat no hesitate.
Half month haze—eat on time—never mention Jiang Ya—apartment cleared every trace—never existed.
Mid March—two novels done—good income—fans grow—urge new book.
Campus pure love done—next genre—broken mirror reunion reunion.
Outline smooth—separation reason—stopped—screen blank.
Back leaving—no glance—ridiculous—still don’t understand—rules morality—maybe never accepted gay?
Mock smile—typed on.
Eight to ten focused—end—phone—Zhou He invite.
Kept contact—online—gym run—last New Year—now March.
Wednesday night—came.
Zhou He waiting—greet—warm up.
Usually long warm up—Zhou He sweating—Qi Yu five minutes—sprint—won’t stop—hour later both drenched—Zhou He praised endurance.
Smile—no words—water—window figure like someone—look away—lonely.
Shower—out nine PM.
Early—invite Zhou He shop drinks.
Noisy music—rest room—sit—Zhou He drove—cold drink—Qi Yu three beers.
Eyebrow—toast—“Join? Low alcohol.”
“No—driving.”
Sip straw—stare—“Drinking away sorrow?”
“Sort of.”
“Your recent posts look bleak.”
Cup—sigh—“Nothing big—breakup.”
“Will pass.”
“When?”
“Last month.”
“Who broke up?”
Brow knit—“No formal break.”
“Half month no contact—same as breakup.”
Clink cups—“Should’ve driven—drink with you.”
“Mind telling why?”
“No.” One brow—swirling cup—casual heavy—“Trip back—met her mom—taken home—messages calls all night—no answer.”
“No sleep—came out to mom next day—waited her—got—sorry I can’t choose—let’s calm down.”
Word for word—never forget.
“Waited whole day—indifferent—turned left—no look.”
“Never asked her choose—face together—one hesitation—heart has me—only sorry—what’s that mean?”
“You were right—not world worst.”
Bitter drink.
Zhou He silent—pity.
Not good at comfort—drink—“Can’t change that fast? Forced?”
“Why not tell me? Suffer alone—walk away?”
“Maybe I never weighed like family—pressure—hate things—still won’t cut—don’t blame her—blame soft self—incompatible…”
Glance Zhou He—if loved Zhou He—fewer fights—dismissed—love unreasonable—force pain—no choose no heartbreak.
Enough—no regret—no soft again.
Stop here.
……
Spring wind cool.
After evening study—thin on campus—button coat—gaps—once fit.
Teachers nod—fast out.
Half month—two point line—weekend home—Zhou Lin visits—not Jiang home.
World back on track—pain to calm—like Qi Yu never in life.
How possible?
Why here again?
Stopped familiar shop—blank—which time—after block—instinct—selfish hope.
Never see—dream see.
Dream—grab Qi Yu—don’t let go—reasons—fear outcast—long message read again and again—decision shakes each read.
Words spilled—cannot take back—parents shadow—afraid—why ask Qi Yu understand—sentimental?
Really… can’t return?
Stood long—stares—only shop—daze.
Sigh—bag tight—turn—two steps—stop.
Turn—complex—stairs—smile staff.
Should go.
Feet rooted.
Door—four eyes.
Clear—woman beside Qi Yu—stranger.
Awkward—look away—anything to say?
Bitter flood.
Want leave—one more look Qi Yu.
Night clear—no past tenderness—only cold.
And—faint—hate she could feel.
Frozen—Qi Yu moved.
Heart chaos—Qi Yu not look—“Let’s go”—passed shoulder.
Brow knit—sour pour—cannot block.
Backs—Qi Yu into woman’s car—fist—bit lip.
Pain drilled deep.