Chapter 53: Baring All?

“I…” Jiang Ya spoke—voice heavy low. Gripped Qi Yu’s clothes bit by bit—tired closed eyes—chin on shoulder—her scent—only then calm.
“Haven’t thought that far yet.” Frank.
Dark—Qi Yu turned—slight side—eyes down at person in arms—wanted face—Jiang Ya lowered—unclear.
“Why? Not curious?” Qi Yu asked.
Since together—days full satisfied—but under satisfaction—confusion she would not face—still dreamlike—afraid dream torn someday—always thinking—false comfort.
She was so—was not Jiang Ya too.
Why?
Dare she say? No.
Dare not tell Qi Yu—could not imagine real future belonging to them.
Every time lost in Qi Yu’s tenderness—every sweet granted—every love watering—besides moment abandon self—after heat faded—thought—how long could beauty so unreal last.
How dare tell Qi Yu—split inside—happier—more guilty.
Like not long ago—beside Qi Yu—soft whispers in ear—still hid replying Zhou Lin—even greeting—Zhou Lin’s care like alarm—could ring anytime.
Ringing—that day Zhou Lin held her—cried—after pleading.
Desire pressed long—never became courage—worn by time—cowardice buried in bone.
Buried deep—thought gone.
But Qi Yu asked—sour surged again—reminder: Jiang Ya—you see now? Coward selfish.
“Don’t know.” Shrunk into Qi Yu’s chest—brow heavy sorrow. Held tight—sighed. “Future too far—cannot picture us—only cherish now—cherish you now.”
“Qi Yu.” Called name—under surprised gaze—cupped face—wet gentle eyes. “You know?”
“Loving you—the bravest thing I’ve done.”
“But no courage for promise—cannot guarantee us in a year—plans never keep pace. If we can… don’t let go each other’s hands—okay?”
Raised chin—turned Qi Yu’s face—before answer—lifted chin—closed eyes—instinct found lips—light kiss on surface.
……
Early June weekend. Tang planned shopping—scorching heat drove them back—changed to pool hall private room.
Qi Yu little interest in pool—freshman year roommates—few times—novice. Qi Xuan excited—even rules unclear—eager.
Underestimated skill—thought like short video—stick poke—ball in pocket.
Before game—boasted beat Qi Yu and Tang—her turn—nervous—did not hit cue ball.
“Hahahahahaha!” Empty stroke—laugh exploded beside.
Tang aside—cue propping floor—holding stomach—wild laugh—could not straighten—whole body shaking.
Infectious—even watching Qi Yu smiled—hand over mouth—told Xuan. “Said pool not that simple—you didn’t believe—had to come.”
Frozen Xuan—face red then dark—glared resentful and wronged at still laughing Tang.
Qi Yu knew thin face—warned squatter on floor.
Too late.
Tang caught breath—Xuan put cue—sat beside Qi Yu—blank phone.
Glanced—comfort. “Not on purpose—everyone has first miss—practice…”
“Not on purpose means laugh like that?” Brow at phone—not looking—puffed.
Qi Yu breath—speechless.
“Really mad?” Tang sat too—smile not gone.
Wanted see face—Xuan head lower—Tang laughed—hand on shoulder. “Head lower—you’ll bury in floor.”
“My fault—sorry—shouldn’t laugh… don’t mad—hm?” Close—ruffled short hair—stared face.
No response—still down—Tang tsk—pulled arm back. “Still silent—I ignore you.”
“You!” Xuan looked up—pouting pitifully—“How apologize like that… bad attitude.”
“Bad attitude? I don’t coax people normally.” Besides ex—never.
Felt tone heavy—sighed—patient—pulled wrist up. “Okay okay—sister wrong—I teach—hand in hand—you’ll learn—okay?”
“Really?” Eyes like puppy—wet.
“Really—when lied to you—come.” No more talk—led to table—demo and tips.
Qi Yu still seated—Xuan beside Tang—Tang guiding hands on cue—squinted—muttered.
Three sentences to coax her back—sister’s comfort wasted.
Four hours booked—hour play—3:30 Xuan left for friends—Qi Yu did not ask.
Only Qi Yu and Tang—even—one win each.
Tang racking—about restart—Qi Yu on phone again. “Always phone—who texting?”
Glance—pocket—table. “Aunt—asked if sister still here—said she ran off elsewhere.”
Tang leaned—break shot—crack—balls scattered.
Turned—teasing. “Thought girlfriend.”
“Hey—progress fast.” Remembered that day—Qi Yu and Jiang Ya—look like ten words total—drunk and slept together.
Mm—alcohol good thing.
Maybe words—first shot missed. Chalk on tip—brow knit. “What? How fast?”
Tang: “Just dating already baring all—not fast?”
Qi Yu: “Baring all?”
Repeated—Tang’s smile—thought long—got meaning.
That layer—eyes flicker—awkward under stare.
“Overthinking.” Weak deny—cue at table.
“Overthinking?” Innocent—followed shot—“You said drunk… things happened… then together.”
……
Qi Yu light inhale—silent—ignored chatter.
Round end—rest—explained whole night start to finish.
Tang stunned—but remembered one thing.
“So—you didn’t do it?”
Laughed light—“Together how long? Still not.”
“Not everyone like you.” Qi Yu not so open topic—shame inside—cold face back.
Truth—not saint—desire mental physical.
But two weeks since together—rush felt forward—afraid Jiang Ya not ready—first intimacy both…
Besides—most important—least admit.
She did not know how.
Thought she disliked sex. Puberty boys crude jokes—deepened disgust—peers curious books comics videos—she resisted.
Later—even strange feeling for Jiang Ya—never linked like to desire. Young—hand touch enough—dared not desecrate with naked view.
But recent week—same bed—first half held proper—second half Jiang Ya asleep—pajamas loose—scent—desire uncontrollable—all night restless.
Recalled scene—stared water bottle—blank—eyes deep.
Tang thought too direct—afraid offended—just coaxed one—sister mad again.
Scared—changed topic. “Forget—how are you two now?”
Pulled from thought—looked up. “Fine—at first fast change—adapted now.”
“You dated—why ask me.”
“Hah—single dog now… sigh… when I dated—every weekend glued—could not part.” Tang on sofa—staring ceiling light.
Glance—silent—drank water.
If Jiang Ya free—might not have come.
Weekend planned together—film picked—yesterday Jiang Ya suddenly library—materials—urged Tang date—came—space good.
Evening leaving hall—sky dark—drizzle—half hour—downpour.
Tang’s car offered ride—refused.
Mind all Jiang Ya. School near apartment—said walk—umbrella? This rain—even umbrella soaked.
Texted—no reply—anxious—raincoat—e-bike—school library.
Ridiculous—soaked—rushed in—calls failed—asked staff—familiar staff said—Jiang Ya never came today.