Chapter 42

Cheng Lang's expression instantly softened much more. He asked again: "Then why did you delete the previous ones?"
Shuangyun thought for a moment. She'd actually deleted them a while ago, probably around Christmas. Shuangyun herself wasn't actually clear about the fundamental reason for deleting them, but she said: "Probably felt I wouldn't need them for a while, so I deleted them."
"What does 'won't need them for a while' mean?" Cheng Lang asked his classic question when he already knew the answer.
Shuangyun looked at him and laughed. Did he really need her to spell out every word? This man really didn't understand the beauty of subtlety.
Shuangyun pulled him to sit in a chair, then sat on his lap herself. Both hands cupped his face, forehead to forehead, nose tip to nose tip, and said with a smile:
"'Won't need them for a while' means, Landon, Teacher Cheng, Cheng Lang, I, Shuangyun Liang, like you, like you, like you, like you!"
After Shuangyun finished, Cheng Lang had no reaction.
She moved away some distance to see Cheng Lang clearly, but saw there was something wet in Cheng Lang's eyes as he turned his face away.
His voice was very low: "Shuangyun Liang, you have to keep your word."
Shuangyun froze in place at this moment. Something transparent in her heart seemed to gently break.
The living room was very quiet. Cheng Lang turned back and pulled Shuangyun into his arms.
Confirming Shuangyun's WeChat Moments hadn't blocked him, confirming she still said "like you" at this moment.
However, the fear of mistakenly thinking Shuangyun had already kicked him away didn't disappear with the clarification of facts. Cheng Lang was silent for a long time, then asked: "Shuangyun Liang, if... I'm just saying if, I still stayed here, we—"
Shuangyun immediately sat up from his arms, but her expression was very restrained. She wanted to know Cheng Lang's true thoughts.
"I'm just saying if," Cheng Lang also felt this wasn't good at this moment, "never mind."
Shuangyun completed the unfinished part for him: "Because I'm not planning to go to New York, so you want to keep me by staying here? Is that it, Cheng Lang?"
Cheng Lang didn't speak.
Shuangyun tried to get down from him. Cheng Lang didn't let go.
Shuangyun didn't struggle, only quietly took a breath.
"I think what I'm doing is very wrong. Knowing you're attached to me, still giving you gifts, saying I like you. But Cheng Lang, this is my true heart at this moment. This is the Shuangyun Liang I am. You also like me because of this."
"But," Shuangyun paused slightly, "this is wrong. At least for you, my behavior is wrong."
"Shuangyun Liang..." Cheng Lang tried to interrupt her, but Shuangyun didn't stop. "Do you remember I said I'm always the first person to go downstairs when I hear fire alarms? I never told you why, right?"
Shuangyun pursed her lips and said calmly: "I never told you, my father died when I was ten. He used to be a not-very-famous painter, and my mother's family was very wealthy. After they married, my father was no longer allowed to continue painting. He needed to do things that seemed to match his status. When I was little, my parents often fought. I have no longing for marriage. My father died because the studio storing his paintings hadn't been visited in too many years, and suddenly caught fire. He rushed in to save the paintings and never came out."
"Later, I often thought, was he unable to come out, or didn't want to come out?"
Cheng Lang's heartbeat stopped. Shuangyun's voice became very light, but still continued: "So I've always been very alert to fire alarms, and also thought, if my father hadn't fallen in love with my mother back then, would he not have been forced to give up part of himself, and in the end not have died regretfully in a fire?"
"Cheng Lang, do you want to become the second person in a fire because of me? Do you want to seal away this part of your longing in that studio until one day it catches fire?"
"Is this what you want? At least this isn't what I want. What I want is a life that, even if I died the next day, would have absolutely no regrets."
Shuangyun's gaze looked at Cheng Lang. Her voice became clear and powerful again, becoming that sharp blade, piercing Cheng Lang's heart.
"If you give up the US opportunity for me, I can't guarantee I'll be with you forever. Would you resent me? If I go to New York for you, giving up all my familiar life now, you also can't guarantee being with me forever. Would I resent you?"
"The Cheng Lang who doesn't go to New York wouldn't be the Cheng Lang I like. And the Shuangyun Liang who follows you to New York wouldn't be the Shuangyun Liang you like."
Shuangyun left his body. Cheng Lang no longer had the right to stop her.
She went into the bedroom and packed her things.
Shuangyun left.
Just as Cheng Lang had perceived before, she carried enormous energy within her. And at this moment, Cheng Lang finally understood this fearlessness actually came from the power of death.
Shuangyun, who would have no regrets about her current life even if she died tomorrow, clearly divided him out of her world.
And the only way he might still be able to keep her was to leave her.