Chapter 43

Just like he’d written in his diary: for his dads, for his Gege, Nian‑nian had to become better.
That had probably been the hope that held him up all through those gray years.
Closing the diary, Duan Baisui went back to bed. He pulled Zuo Nian into his arms, buried his face in the curve of his neck, and felt hot tears soak through his lover’s collar. In a low voice, he said, “I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry I never realized how hard it was for you back then. I’m sorry I didn’t treat you better.
Only now, at the very moment he loved Zuo Nian most, was he truly learning what those years had been like. It was agony.
He hated himself for not protecting him. He hated even more the coldness and arrogance of his younger self.
But Zuo Nian had never once blamed him. The later pages of the diary were full of one name, written over and over again: “Duan Baisui.”
Every stroke of every character held the weight of his longing.
No matter how time had passed, his love for him had never changed.
The next morning, Zuo Nian woke up early.
The moment he stirred, the man holding him woke as well.
“Good morning, Gege!” he chirped, full of energy.
Duan Baisui just stared at him for a long time, then tightened his arms, as if he wanted to crush him into his own body. “Today it’s my turn to take a day off,” he said. “Keep me company.”
“Okay~” Zuo Nian stroked his face. “But we still have to get up for breakfast.”
Instead of moving, Duan Baisui only held him more firmly. “If I hadn’t left back then… if I’d stayed…”
“Gege, what’s wrong?” The smile froze on Zuo Nian’s lips. Worried, he searched his face. “Why are you sad?”
Running three thousand meters to the finish line and finding no one there to cheer.
Group work in class and no one willing to team up with him.
Buying snacks to share and watching them get tossed straight into the trash.
Why had his treasure had to suffer so much?
“Is it because of Nian‑nian’s diary?” he asked softly.
Duan Baisui said nothing.
But from his expression alone, Zuo Nian had his answer. “Silly Gege,” he said. “It’s all in the past. Don’t feel bad for Nian‑nian. I really don’t care. Dad says no one is perfect. No one can make everyone like them. Nian‑nian’s already great—I have Dad, Godfather, and you. That’s enough.”
“The diary is just me complaining,” he added. “I had lots of happy days too. I just forgot to write them down because I was having so much fun. That’s why you feel so heavy after reading it.”
“Do you remember?” Zuo Nian asked. “My last year of high school, you came back once. You helped me with my homework and marked the important parts for me, and you said so many encouraging things. So it’s all right. Nian‑nian never felt wronged at all~”
“Eh? Gege, why are you crying?”
Flustered, he reached up to wipe away the tears. He thought miserably that he really was awful—how could he have shown him such an “ugly” diary? Now he’d made Gege feel so guilty he was crying, and no amount of coaxing would fix it.
So Gege was a crybaby too.
Maybe he should rewrite his diary.
After Duan Baisui’s emotions had settled and he went to wash up, Zuo Nian opened the notebook again. This time, he thought carefully—and then set his pen dancing lightly across the page.
> May 11, 2024
> Today the sun was shining. Nian‑nian woke up in the arms of the person he loves most. I told him good morning, he kissed my forehead, and we talked for a long, long time. In the end we decided to go visit our dads, so we’ll have a big, happy family meal.
> It’s a very beautiful day. A very happy little Nian‑nian day.
At the very start of June, the temperature in A City shot up.
Back early from a business trip, Duan Baisui suddenly had half an afternoon free. Instead of returning to the office, he asked the driver to take him to New Era Plaza.
He and Zuo Nian hadn’t seen each other in five days. They video‑called often, but that could never compare to being together.
When he pushed the door open, a blast of cool air hit him. The little motion‑sensor rabbit on the wall chirped, “Welcome!” loud and clear—but the young man napping on the counter didn’t stir.
Locking the door behind him, Duan Baisui slowed his steps.
Zuo Nian’s cheek was pillowed on a soft cartoon cushion. Someone had draped a thin jacket over his back. His breathing was even, with not a hint of wariness. No wonder he was always losing things. Sleeping like this, like a little piglet, he probably wouldn’t even notice if someone cleared out the whole shop.
Leaning down, Duan Baisui brushed a kiss over his exposed cheek.
All Zuo Nian did was lift a hand to scratch and turn his face to the other side.
Very good. If this had been some strange Alpha, he’d have been taken advantage of ten times over.
Sitting down beside him, Duan Baisui slid a hand under the hem of his shirt. He traced teasing lines along his skin, until he finally pressed a little harder and the sleeper flinched awake with a pained noise.
He jerked upright, eyes wary—only to relax the second he saw who it was. Whatever reflexive counterattack he’d been planning froze midswing. “Gege!” he breathed.
“How can you sleep that deeply?” Duan Baisui asked.
“You’re not here, so Nian‑nian can’t sleep well at night,” he pouted. “I’m so tired during the day.”
“I kissed you and you didn’t move. I touched you half the day and you still didn’t wake up. What if it had been someone else?” Duan Baisui said sternly.
Instead of pushing his hand away, Zuo Nian snuggled closer, practically presenting himself. “No one else smells as good as Gege. It’s only because you’re too nice‑smelling that Nian‑nian didn’t wake up in time.”
“Still acting spoiled,” Duan Baisui chuckled. “Did you miss me?”
His ears went pink. He nodded.
Duan Baisui drew him in and began kissing the parts of him he’d already gotten used to taking care of.
Curving inward, flustered and shy, Zuo Nian whispered, “Someone might come in.”
He didn’t know the door was locked. Deliberately, Duan Baisui spooked him. “You weren’t scared of people coming in when you were sleeping alone. Why now?”
“Gege… Gege,” he stammered, frightened. “I don’t… I don’t want other people to see…”
He seemed to have put on weight in just a few days. Soft everywhere, irresistible. It was like he’d entered another oral phase—Duan Baisui couldn’t stop tasting him. “No one else will see,” he murmured. “Only me.”
Half sobbing, half whimpering, Zuo Nian was buffeted between pure, dizzy pleasure and sheer terror that someone might walk through the door. Between those two extremes, every reaction was magnified.
They’d only ever done this at home. Here, in a place where strangers could appear at any time, he was scared to death—but he couldn’t push Duan Baisui away.
His body and his heart both ached for him too much.
Neck arched, panting, he felt that warm breath travel up to the crook of his neck. After a few lingering licks and kisses over his gland, the torment finally eased.
Duan Baisui tugged his clothes back into place and gently wiped away the tears at the corners of his eyes. “Why are you crying? Did I scare you? The door’s locked. Don’t be afraid. You really think I’d be generous enough to let someone else see you like this?”
Pressing his cheek against him like a friendly little dog, Zuo Nian nuzzled at him. “It’s… because it feels too good,” he said softly. “When I’m with you, I never worry about anything else. I know Gege will protect me.”
“Careful,” Duan Baisui warned, kissing the damp corner of his eye. “If you keep acting spoiled, I really will do something outrageous right here.”
“Can we go home now?” he asked.
“Mm.”
The afternoon sun was warm; in the bedroom, they did every gentle thing two people in love could do.
True to his word, Duan Baisui bought little Nian‑nian a “ring.” Zuo Nian cried and begged him to stop again and again, but he still didn’t take it off.
“You always go too quickly, and always so many times,” he scolded. “It’s not good for your body.”
Red‑eyed and sulky, Zuo Nian glared at him. “Don’t bully me, Gege. Nian‑nian feels awful.”
He had no real way to resist. His pale feet only managed to brace against the Alpha’s shoulders—where they were promptly pushed further apart.
Only after the last time, when that strange “ring” was finally removed, did he truly break. Lying on the bed, shaking, he let everything spill out at once, the quiet room filled with a soft, pattering sound.
The sheets were a mess. Mortified, he burst into tears.
He would be twenty‑six soon, and he still couldn’t control himself, like a child.
The culprit, meanwhile, looked fresh as ever. Hoarse, he muttered, “I hate you, Gege.”
Carrying him into the shower, Duan Baisui tried to call for a housekeeper to clean up, but Zuo Nian wouldn’t allow it. After changing clothes, he wrapped himself in the bedding, shuffled downstairs in the dark, dumped everything into the washing machine, and poured in far too much detergent. Only when the machine kicked into motion did he finally relax.
For the next few days, he refused to be sweet with Duan Baisui at all. Solemnly, he declared that, for the time being, Gege was only allowed to kiss anywhere from the neck up.
He knew perfectly well he’d overdone it that day, so Duan Baisui accepted the conditions without argument. His little fool rarely got truly angry; he could let him “be fierce” for once.
After several days of dutifully keeping his promise, though, he decided this couldn’t go on. The little fool had stayed mad too long. At night, he’d even gone back to sleeping under his own blanket.
That wouldn’t do.
So on a rare evening without social obligations, Duan Baisui bought flowers and a cake and came home early.
Aunt Liu told him that Zuo Nian was upstairs in the bedroom. Hiding the flowers behind his back, he headed up, ready to surprise him.
The moment he cracked the door, he heard Zuo Nian’s voice: “Dad said you’re back in the country. When would Dr. Jin be free?”
“Great, I’m very free. Whenever you have time,” came the faint reply.
“Thank you so much. Then let’s have a meal together when the time comes,” Zuo Nian said.
Rage shot through Duan Baisui.
He was calling some other Alpha behind his back! And inviting him to dinner!
If he hadn’t come home early, would he ever have known?
He shoved the door open, temper flaring. The bouquet landed on the bed with a thump; the cake followed, dropped hard on the nightstand.
With his long strides, he crossed the room in two steps and snatched the phone from Zuo Nian’s hand.
Only then did he see that it was a video call. On the screen, an elderly man with silver hair and a youthful face stared back at him, just as startled.
The man’s mouth moved, clearly saying something, but with Zuo Nian’s headphones in, he heard nothing.
All he heard was Zuo Nian saying, “Yes, he’s my Alpha. Hehe, you’re too kind.”
Tugging at his sleeve, eyes full of confusion, Zuo Nian mouthed, What are you doing?
Handing the phone back, Duan Baisui retreated a step.
After a few more polite words—“Then I won’t keep you, thank you, I’ll be careful”—Zuo Nian hung up.
Only then did Duan Baisui hastily grab the flowers and cake again. “I bought you something,” he said, holding them out.
Taking off his headphones, Zuo Nian said gravely, “Gege, that was rude just now.”
“I’m sorry,” Duan Baisui said at once, equally serious.
The anger drained out of him. Coming over, Zuo Nian said, “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again.”
“Mm.” After a pause, Duan Baisui asked, “That was Dr. Jin? The one you mentioned before?”
“Yes. He’s very kind. He did my first surgery years ago. Later, when he retired overseas, Dad took me to see him again. He gave me a lot of instructions. I told you before.” Smiling, he added, “Now that he’s been hired back, Nian‑nian wants to have another check‑up.”
At that, worry punched straight through Duan Baisui’s chest. Was he sick again?
Pulling him down to sit, he asked solemnly, “Is it your glands? Are they bothering you?”
Biting his lip, Zuo Nian shook his head.
If it were just a routine check‑up, there’d be no need to trouble the surgeon specifically—unless there was something he had to ask.
“Then what is it? Tell me the truth, baby,” Duan Baisui said.
Looking at him, then down at his own stomach, Zuo Nian fidgeted for a long time before whispering, “A few days ago… I thought I might be pregnant...”
Duan Baisui: …
“I was sleepy all the time. My appetite changed. When I ate braised ribs at lunch, I even threw up…” he mumbled, voice as soft as a mosquito. “And Gege said Nian‑nian’s… um… chest got bigger. And there was… milk… So, so…”
A little thrill flickered in Duan Baisui’s chest. “So what?” he asked, trying not to sound too eager.