Chapter 2

“Mm. If I pass the defense, gege will be one step closer to graduating.” After thinking, he added, “Then I can stay home and keep you company more often.”
Jing Miao slid off him quickly and sat cross-legged beside him. “Then gege, go fast. Miaomiao will wait for you to come back.”
Xi Siyan smiled and ruffled his hair. “Did you see the sticky notes on the door?”
Jing Miao nodded.
“Since you’re awake, eat something, then go back to sleep for a bit.” Xi Siyan stood. “Gege is leaving now. Be good at home by yourself, okay?”
Jing Miao nodded hard twice. His expression looked childlike for his age, yet somehow didn’t feel out of place. “Don’t worry, gege! Good luck on your defense!”
“Okay.” Xi Siyan checked the house once more, then left—looking back again and again.
The moment he stepped outside, that warm, gentle man turned gloomy.
He had never been particularly enthusiastic to begin with. His features were naturally cold; later, as he grew more detached and shadowed, he only looked harder to approach.
Xi Siyan walked alone toward the institute. Around him were undergraduates laughing, bickering, and rushing to early classes. People kept glancing at him as they passed; now and then he could even catch his own name in their chatter.
This should have been Xi Siyan’s normal life.
He wasn’t exactly bright and sunny, but three years ago he had still been one of those ordinary-yet-not-ordinary students.
Handsome and brilliant. No one knew his exact family background, but everyone assumed he was the only child of a rich family. Every year, the campus confession wall flooded with posts about him—data captures alone could rack up over ten thousand comments, in a university with only twenty to thirty thousand students total.
He should have finished his combined master’s-and-PhD track in glory, then either inherited a fortune or become someone remarkable; marry, have children, and live an impressive, happy life.
That should have been Xi Siyan’s life.
But he was already dazed.
That life was gone, never to return.
He had countless chances to turn back—even at this very moment—yet he had walked one road into darkness until there was no way out.
Home was like a magical boundary line dividing two dimensions. He switched personalities between two worlds with practiced ease.
Inside that door, he was Xi Siyan for Jing Miao alone: gentle and tolerant—his gege, guardian, caregiver; whatever role Jing Miao needed him to be.
Outside that door, he was a walking corpse at twenty-seven, heart already dried to dead wood.
His social world had been endlessly compressed. He’d lost interest in everything. School, home, hospital—those were the whole of his life.
The radiant young Xi Siyan from three years ago… he could no longer remember what that person looked like.
Sometimes, Xi Siyan thought Jing Miao was tragic. His life had barely begun when it unexpectedly rewound by more than a decade. His understanding of the world blurred, and he could only remain by Xi Siyan’s side—big house, small house, always inside a house.
And what about Xi Siyan himself?
What difference was there? Big house or small house—he too was tethered by Jing Miao with an invisible chain.
He couldn’t go far.
Couldn’t leave.
Couldn’t break free.
When the defense ended, it was raining outside.
He hadn’t brought an umbrella.
Professor Jin looked at his most outstanding student with satisfaction and sighed, “In a few months, your student years will officially end. Are you really not considering staying at the institute, Siyan? We’ve worked on this project for years. To give it up now… what a pity.”
If it were three years ago, he would have been moved to tears, grateful beyond words.
Now, the handsome man only smiled faintly. “Professor, I’ll apply to stay at the university as a lecturer.” Not for anything else—just for a job with regular hours, weekends off, no classes means rest, plus winter and summer breaks. That way he’d have more time to be with Jing Miao.
Professor Jin sighed, but nodded. “That’s good too. To teach and guide is also to serve knowledge. With your family background, choosing this path is commendable.”
Xi Siyan nodded and checked the time. Almost noon.
“Something at home?” the old professor asked, smiling at his distracted look. “Got a girlfriend?”
Xi Siyan sighed helplessly. “No.”
The professor handed him an umbrella. “I thought you were waiting for someone. Take this and go.”
Xi Siyan accepted it and thanked him. “Then I’ll head back first, Professor.”
He opened the umbrella and hurried through the rain.
His thoughts began to spiral.
To make school and caring for Jing Miao easier, he had bought an apartment near campus. It usually took only half an hour on foot to reach the institute, so he rarely drove.
He should have driven today.
Because of the rain, the taxi queue at the school gate was absurdly long. He’d started queuing on the way out, and even when he neared the gate, the app still showed more than a hundred people ahead. At this rate, what time would he even get home?
Jing Miao would worry.
He would miss him.
Xi Siyan called the landline installed specifically for Jing Miao.
Three calls—no answer.
The high-stakes PhD defense hadn’t made him nervous.
Not being able to get home quickly did.
He kept calling, and the more he called, the more chaotic his heart became.
Hearing the dial tone over the rain tapping the umbrella, he suddenly felt an irritable urge to smoke.
Out of habit, he reached into his coat pocket—only to find a milk candy.
Then he remembered: he had quit smoking successfully for over a year.
Jing Miao liked putting little things into every pocket of his clothes.
Sometimes candy. Sometimes pencils and erasers. Sometimes dried flowers pressed in books. Sometimes neat little notes written in graceful running script—muscle memory that still hadn’t faded:
“I miss gege every day.”
“Gege should miss me too.”
“Miaomiao loves gege the most.”
Pants, coats, hoodies—anything with a pocket, every piece had something hidden inside.
Xi Siyan unwrapped the candy and put it in his mouth, while his hand kept dialing again and again.
The seventh call still went unanswered.
Xi Siyan finally panicked. He called his driver at once, voice sharp with anxiety:
“Uncle Yang, please—come pick me up from school right now! I can’t reach the house phone. Miaomiao isn’t answering!”