Chapter 19

But he still wanted Jing Miao to grow up.
The world was vast, the future long.
He was only twenty-one.
Su Wan thought carefully about his plan, then offered an opinion.
“Not ideal, Siyan. In the current educational environment here, a teacher-student relationship wouldn’t be good for either of you.”
Xi Siyan froze.
His mother’s tone was so calm that it made him feel unreal.
“And with Miaomiao’s cognitive condition,” she continued seriously, “you’ll face a lot of ugly accusations. You might not care, but Miaomiao may not be able to withstand the stimulation.”
She spoke like she had already rehearsed the path forward:
“You could marry first and make the relationship public. You continue your research with your professor, Miaomiao goes back to school. When you’re not around, we’ll take care of him. If you don’t want to move back in, your father and I can move closer. What do you think, Siyan?”
Xi Siyan stared blankly and said he would think about it and talk it through with Jing Miao. After all, Jing Miao was already a big kid of thirteen or fourteen now—he could try to make some choices for himself.
The next morning, Jing Miao woke up to find Xi Siyan propped on one elbow, watching him.
He rubbed his eyes, said good morning, and reached out to be hugged.
Xi Siyan leaned to his ear and said softly, “Good morning. I love you, Miaomiao.”
Jing Miao’s face turned red instantly. Then, delighted, he burrowed into Xi Siyan’s arms and tried to cling closer, asking for familiar comfort.
Mornings were already difficult enough to stay calm. With Jing Miao coaxing him like that, restraint became thin.
But it wasn’t a good time.
It was broad daylight. His parents’ room was on the second floor; the housekeeper moved around downstairs. Even though the third floor was only theirs, it still felt dangerously exposed.
Holding him, Xi Siyan’s voice went hoarse. “Baby, you like hearing gege say he loves you?”
“Mm.” Jing Miao’s voice floated, soft and spoiled. “Can gege say it?”
Xi Siyan smiled. “I love you. Then do you love me?”
Jing Miao’s eyes welled up with involuntary tears, overwhelmed by the closeness and emotion. “I do, gege… Gege has to believe me. Miaomiao really loves you.”
He loved Xi Siyan so much.
As if it were carved into his heart, etched into his mind, flowing in his blood—every cell and nerve screaming that Jing Miao loved Xi Siyan.
Jing Miao thought: maybe he had lost many things, but the one thing that remained was loving Xi Siyan.
Before this, he must have fought his own brain countless times—from seven to fourteen.
The only thing that could not be changed was: he would always love gege.
Tears mixed with joy and deep feeling in Xi Siyan’s eyes.
How could he not believe him?
He didn’t answer with many words. He answered with silence—an offering of everything.
How could he not believe him?
Xi Siyan would never forget why he had been saved.
The Xi Siyan from before meeting Jing Miao was already dead.
The one alive now was Xi Siyan who lived by Jing Miao.
And in the future, he would become:
Xi Siyan who could only live by loving Jing Miao—and being loved in return.
He hadn’t expected the morning to slip away like that.
They were both young; Xi Siyan had held back for too long. He lost control too easily, and Jing Miao yielded to him with a face so pure, speaking confessions that drove him mad.
By noon, Xi Siyan finally got up to make food, worried Jing Miao hadn’t eaten and would get stomach pain again.
When he saw Su Wan sitting in the living room, he suddenly remembered: this was his parents’ house.
Embarrassment rose at once.
Su Wan didn’t comment. She only pointed toward the kitchen.
“I called you to eat and you didn’t answer. It’s cold now. Find something light and heat it up for Miaomiao.”
Xi Siyan nodded and went into the kitchen.
Su Wan came to help. She hesitated a long time, then couldn’t hold back and scolded him anyway:
“You… you should be more careful. His body isn’t strong. How can you… exhaust him like that? One night wasn’t enough and you had to keep going this morning too. Is this how you are at home—no restraint at all?”
Xi Siyan’s ears burned. He didn’t know how to tell her that this was, in some sense, their first night… their first day.
He could only take it and change the subject. “I understand, Mom. Did Dad go to work?”
Su Wan nodded. “I’ve thought about it. Moving in with you might have been poorly considered. This way: you continue taking care of Miaomiao. When you’re busy, call home. Have the driver pick him up, or we’ll come over.”
In other words: she wouldn’t intrude.
Xi Siyan nodded. “That works. I haven’t discussed it with Miaomiao yet. I’ll talk to him.”
“Good.”
Carrying food upstairs, Xi Siyan heard Su Wan muttering behind him, half complaining, half amazed:
“You’ve lived together over a year. You cling together every day, and you’re still this inseparable…”
Xi Siyan pretended not to hear and hurried back into the room.
“Get up, Miaomiao. Eat something before you sleep again.”
He carefully lifted him and coaxed him to eat bite by bite. When woken from deep sleep, Jing Miao got grumpy and sulky, refusing to cooperate.
Xi Siyan threatened, “If baby won’t finish, then tonight I won’t kiss you.”
It worked every time.
With sleepy eyes, Jing Miao obediently let Xi Siyan feed him. After finishing, he even kissed Xi Siyan and said seriously,
“I ate it all. Gege can’t not kiss me tonight.”
Xi Siyan found him unbearably cute. He kissed him for a long time before letting him sleep again.
This house used to hold many bad memories.
Now it felt like ugly chalk on a blackboard—wiped clean—leaving only the light that came when fate converged.
There was no difficulty in communication. Jing Miao agreed to returning to school as soon as Xi Siyan finished explaining.
He only had a few questions.
“If I go back to school, will gege still sleep with me every night?”
Xi Siyan smiled. “You won’t live on campus. You’ll come home every day. I’ll eat three meals with you. After class, you can be with me.”
Jing Miao asked again, “Then will gege keep going to school too?”
“Gege hasn’t decided yet. I’m on leave right now. Until I decide, I’ll still be with you every day. I’ll go to class with you too.”
“But if I decide later, Miaomiao will have to go to class alone. Can you accept that?”
Jing Miao nodded. “I can. I want gege to do what you like. Books say everyone has something they like.”
Then he asked quietly, “Have I always been dragging gege down?”